Five Reasons to Buy a Fake Bonsai Tree

Artificial trees, whether for the home or the office, bring a touch of beauty and nature indoors. And they are, of course, trouble-free, whereas real plants are time-consuming, dirty, wet, prone to dying, and generally more expensive to boot. In terms of dressing up a space, artificial trees are great value, and fake bonsai trees deserve special attention. They are excellent for decorating a smaller space, but they make a large impact. While many artificial plants are designed to provide a relatively subtle, casual shift in mood, bonsai trees are attention-grabbers. The create a focused, powerful statement, while also softening an interior space.

Bonsai trees are great. But let's face it: you don't need a reason to buy a fake bonsai tree. If someone asks, though, here are five:

Fake Bonsai Trees Are Portable

Going to the vacation home for the summer? Moving to a larger office? Sleeping on your friends couch during a painful divorce? These are the moments when you might regret buying a fake palm tree. A bonsai tree is tiny—that's the whole point—and you can pack it up and take it with you. You can enjoy your ersatz miniature tree experience wherever you go. Some bonsais are small enough to take as carry-on luggage, and all of them will fit easily in the footwell of a car. Let your ex keep the fake palm.

Fake Bonsai Trees Will Protect You From Intruders

No, really. Because the guy who breaks into your place at 2AM isn't a botany expert. He can't tell that your ancient gnarled cedar tree is fake. All he knows is that bonsai trees means Mr. Miyagi. If you own a bonsai tree, what are the odds that you also have a blackbelt? Decent, right? So he will be heading back out the way he came in, before the bonsai owner shows up in a bathrobe to rearrange his spine. Better than a guard dog, and much cheaper.

Fake Bonsai Trees Will Inspire You to Write Fake Haiku

There is a long-standing association between bonsai and haiku poetry. Unfortunately for English-speakers, actual Japanese haiku relies on the “on”, a phono-linguistic unit that is not quite the same the English syllable. So English haiku (in the 5-7-5 format) are necessarily fake, and it is more appropriate to write them while contemplating a fake bonsai tree than a real one:

Counting syllables

The tree never needs water

What is illusion?

Fake Bonsai Trees Will Add Years to Your Life

This is true in a relative sense. If you get into (real) bonsai trees as a hobby, you are going to spend years of your life trimming branches the size of nose hairs, and using little splints and wires to tweak the growth of tiny tree limbs. You will spend ages staring at dead branches out the window, wondering how they got to be the shape they are. So, by comparison, fake bonsai trees are going to save you years of life.

Bonsai Tree Pots Are Too Small to Collect Litter

If there is a down-side to fake plants, it is the pots or planters themselves. If they are outside, smokers see them as elaborate ashtrays. If they are inside, they seem to magnetically attract plastic wrappers, coffee cup lids, and so forth. Soon you have a small landfill with a tree in the middle. But not with bonsai trees! Real or fake, bonsai trees are too small (and maybe a little too intimidating) for people to use them as absent-minded cup-holders or trash cans.

*collaborative post