Wednesday, 5 July 2017

Being happy

When I was younger I had a lot of things bothering me. In my twenties, I was not sure of myself, always wanting to be somebody else and not happy in my own skin. Things are quite different now, I have my moments but mostly I'm past caring what others think of me too much and I'm happy to be healthy and content. 

One of the things in my life that I've worked out, of which I was reminded of this week is that comparison is the thief of joy. As soon as you start comparing yourself to others then it is just a situation where you start feeling miserable and inadequate. Nobody else is on your particular journey and all the things that it encompasses - family, life situation, money so what I've discovered for a happy life is just to enjoy that journey. Right now, I'm learning, I'm on a course. I'm no expert, I'm learning and that is fine - I enjoy it. Of course I'm not going to know as much as somebody else who is ahead of me in this particular area of study but actually that is something to embrace. I welcome people who know more than me, I welcome the knowledge they have to offer. I focus on my own journey and keep on. When you compare, the journey gets halted, you get bogged down with negativity. This goes for everything else too. I am who I am and try to just love life.
dog in the sunshine

Well it's not a huge manor house or a cottage with a picket fence or the house in the Cotswolds that I fell in love with but it's a home and I'm grateful for it. It needs redecorating, if I ever get the chance and I have a boisterous seven year old that chips paint off and creates a huge mess but it's a home. It's filled with my life - memories, little boy giggles, photos, books, warm throws, a pretty garden and the security of my head hitting the pillow each night whilst by two dogs snore away. If I had a wonderful five bedroom home, sure that would be great but I'd still sleep, still eat, still have a bathroom to clean and well my compact home does the trick. 

I have a garden that is big enough for different purposes, a bench where I can sit with a glass of wine and enough flowers around to make it my happy space. It's good to dream of what you want, it gives focus and determination but comparing to others and what they have just distracts. Here's an ideal home I have in mind, maybe one day....
white cottage

Ah when you look at yourself in the mirror and think, oh I hate that way one eyes looks smaller, I hate the way my thighs look or I wish I had brown eyes or whatever. Stop! I'm happier than I ever was with myself, sure I have things I want to work on, part of my journey but most importantly I am happy. I quite like my imperfections, I'm grateful for the strength I have and how I am healthy. I'll never be a skinny sort, I'm just me, shaped how I am by genes and a love of cheese :) I love buying clothes and know what suits me and what doesn't for my shape. So always embrace yourself, hit the shops and make yourself feel beautiful whether it's fashion for plus sizes or you wish you were curvier, be healthy and enjoy the process.
Me and my boy

Work and study
A huge proportion of my time is taken up with my post graduate diploma and it has been very hard going. When I first started I was so overwhelmed by what the other course members knew and how engaged they were in debates. Instantly I felt disheartened but then I took a step back. Many of the others were older than me or had been working within churches already, or had done previous medieval study. I had to realise that this was my thing and I was doing ok what with juggling looking after a little boy with extra needs and keeping afloat. I'm still behind with the course but I'll get there and it's not a race. As long as I keep a smile on my face and manage to pick up a course book each day I'll be fine and we'll see where it takes me.

*Collaborative post


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